Merry Christmas My Beautiful Son Darian,
Do you remember asking me at one of the times we saw each other if you were still number one with me?
I do and I believe it was due to the separation of us in all of those nasty and many times belligerent and untruthful court cases between me and your dad.
I want you to know I called your dad last week to ask what would it take for him to have a change of HEART, and let you and I have a conversation over the phone this Christmas? We have not been allowed to visit or speak to each other on Christmas for four years now, but I want to assure you that YOU NEVER EVER LEAVE MY MIND OR HEART, especially at this time of the year.
In the work I do now, I see hundreds if not thousands of children with their parents sharing traditions at Christmas time, many coming to see Santa, view the beauty of Christmas in our store, and go buy gifts for their friends and family.
We did that and more. One year we took a train ride to go and see Santa, decorate our tree, eat lots of good food, (I love to cook big stews in our crock pot, I have one going right now, in honor of us.)
I tried to raise you with all of the comforts and traditions that I was raised with because it was always such a fun time.
You were born in late October and your first Christmas was quite rough, you had colic, so I am afraid the first visit to see Santa was, well, painful.
I write this to you and for you so you know I am still here and have never given up on us seeing you, nor will I ever.
I have met so many adult children and now know so many parents and children that have been kept from having any kind of relationship with each other because one or more parents or family members, are so twisted with their hatred for the other parent or ex-spouse.
I have had, and it is very painful, for me to be able to tell a stranger when they asked a very common question, do I have children or a child, and of course I say yes, I have a son. That question is always followed by a series of other common questions that anybody would ask, where do we live on so on. When those people find out in part that I have had no contact with you, because of all of the people that have stopped all of my and Dayle’s efforts to contact you, they usually have a look of shock, horror and great sadness in their eyes. A disbelief comes over their face and I believe they feel so very bad they asked such a innocent set of questions.
My dear son, you are number one as you are the only one in my heart, as you are my only child. I will never forget two Christmas’s ago Dayle took me out of the country at Christmas time so I could try and put all of my anguish aside at the hardship of me not being able to contact you. That was the year that a Man named David Goldman was reunited on Christmas Eve, with his son, Sean Goldman.
Sean’s mother had taken him 5 years earlier to her homeland Brazil, divorced his father and remarried a Brazilian lawyer that kept Sean and his Father, David, apart. But through a series of continual relentless efforts by David, the American media, and I am sure God’s intervention, David walked with his son onto an airplane that landed in New York and they were able to begin again.
Darian that was my Christmas gift that year, helping me to continue to never give up on me, and never give up on the HOPE, that one day we will be able to start again.
This year I will spend it with young men and women that are not able to be with their families for a number of reasons. They too I am sure will feel great loss, and confusion or great hurt being in their current situations. I share that with them, and I have the hope by what we have in common we will, or at least I will be able to give then some sort of comfort by wanting and freely being able to share some of their day with them.
Know this Sweet Love, your Great Grandmother, Rose Kenniston, waited until her 80th year to meet me for her very first time in her life, and it took place on Christmas Eve. She has told me many times after our first meeting that she NEVER gave up the hope and strong faith that she would indeed meet me and have me, her first grandchild, in her life in some manner before she died, AND SHE DID.
I have her determination dear son. I have your Great Grandmother Roses picture looking over a picture of you in my place always reminding me that you and I are being looked after from above.
MERRY CHRISTMAS DARIAN, YOUR MOM LOVES YOU, ALWAYS HAS ALWAYS WILL!