Darian some day’s……..

Dear Son,

I have been home with a terrible cold and in the midst of my down time I have had the opportunity to look through many old pictures of you, us and others that were an important part of our lives.

You were such an adorable baby with the Biggest smile and laugh to go along with it. Many days when you were a baby I would spend my day making a contest to see how many chuckles I could get from you! Your laugh was So infectious and it made me laugh so hard right with you.

As a matter of fact I am smiling as I write, even though the past few weeks have been a bit stressful and lonely.

The simple fact is “I MISS YOU”!

Some days are very hard to accept the fact that I can’t even talk to you. Every day you are alive in my being, in my memories, and especially in my Heart. I remember all of the ways that you tried to connect with me after the year of 2009. I would hear from neighbors that you talked to and say “I wish I could go and see my Mom.” Darian those words both carried me through the next court battle and all of the hoops that your Dad, and the clan, relentlessly had me doing.

But since this blog is for you and for you to hold onto I will keep it as inclusive as to my feelings to you.

I don’t always know how to carry you in my “Heart” and “Surrender” to this messed up situation some days.

Darian, that is just life sometimes. Caring for yourself as you walk in “Surrender,” to people, places and things that you just CANNOT CONTROL.

I have asked God many times how do I parent you through this blog, and the answer was just to LOVE YOU THROUGH THIS BLOG.

I can tell you one thing, had I been given the same from some of the people I really wanted that from I do believe my attitude of loving and valuing; myself would have been so much more familiar and easier to do. This is why in part, it is so important to me to do this for you.

Stay warm dear son and know that you have always been such a gift to me, from the second I knew I was going to be your Mom!!

I love you Darian, be well.

Love Mom

Your intuition is your Best Friend

My dear Darian,

In my mornings I wake up and put on the tea kettle and pull a bag of tea out with a message.   This message struck me as most useful.   I look at the picture of youdarian as a young baseball player, so focused, so daring, so strong.

In this day and age (and in the age you are particularly in right now) this little thought is very telling, powerful and needs two things in order for it to give you discernment.   Life is loud, immediate, fast and people are many times impatient.

One must find silence in their being, environment and peace in their mind-set in order to know what your intuition is telling them.

Think of your intuition as your best friend, greatest ally, and I believe God.   Intuition is there to guide and protect you.   To alarm you and make you aware of dangers either by your decisions or those others around you.

Your intuition will guide you when decisions need to be made, if you give this God-given power the space and time and the silence it needs to help you.

Right now I am engaged in making some decisions that will affect me for this next year if not many years to come.

My vision is to continue to get prepared for you.   No matter what God’s design is for our reunion.   The decisions I make I make with you in mind.

I realize it may be years before you can come and meet and see me or it may be tomorrow.   But the decisions I am making for myself right now have you in mind.

Darian I know many years ago was a nightmare for both of us, but my intuition tells me that no matter how hellish times have been in my past, It IS THE RIGHT NOW THAT COUNTS!   And that is, moment by moment making good decisions will allow me to have a flourishing finish to life.

This is one of my prayers for you in your growth, to come to know that your intuition can and will serve you well.

I Love You Sweet Son,

What would I say to you Darian for this New Year?

I am so sorry that I could not talk to you again this past Christmas, I am sorry your father still won’t get over his bitter grievances that happened so long ago.

Darian, “Finding Your Voice,” even if you are probably not able to voice your thoughts, in your current home, is and will be so important to your well-being, mental and emotional health, and ultimately to your entire life as a young man.

I recently watched “The Kings Speech,” again, and as I have had no voice in the matter of parenting you in the past four years, and loving you, this blog has become my ‘Voice,” to you and others, that are in this situation, with the other parent that believes that alienating and stealing their child, through the mountain of lies, money spent in court cases, more grotesque lies, and eventually driving the other parent away, due thinkingto very real threats, like “I Will Destroy You, no matter how many courts in the Land it takes.”

Find your voice Darian, even if it has a different tone, or in writing, or in any other form you desire, so you can stay well and remember that you were always wanted, cherished and destined to be here, even though they have kept you from me!

Your voice even if its is in your own mind, for now, can help you navigate your way through trouble, and your voice is there to warn you in situations, when you need a “True North” inner compass in life.

I pray, as Sister Gloria, still continues to pray for me and as I am sure for you, that God and his angels, whisper my thoughts to you of encouragement and cheer for this year ahead. Remember I have the same phone number and I am only a handful of hours away, in the event you want to be in touch. My family, your family has started to discover that there is a way for them to send their love, promises for your future, and solidarity as YOUR OTHER FAMILY!!!

We all love you, Darian, Happy 2013 ….. I hope God gives you what you are needing this year and never dismiss, those whispers, even though you may think you are imagining my VOICE, you’re not.