I have been home with a terrible cold and in the midst of my down time I have had the opportunity to look through many old pictures of you, us and others that were an important part of our lives.
You were such an adorable baby with the Biggest smile and laugh to go along with it. Many days when you were a baby I would spend my day making a contest to see how many chuckles I could get from you! Your laugh was So infectious and it made me laugh so hard right with you.
As a matter of fact I am smiling as I write, even though the past few weeks have been a bit stressful and lonely.
The simple fact is “I MISS YOU”!
Some days are very hard to accept the fact that I can’t even talk to you. Every day you are alive in my being, in my memories, and especially in my Heart. I remember all of the ways that you tried to connect with me after the year of 2009. I would hear from neighbors that you talked to and say “I wish I could go and see my Mom.” Darian those words both carried me through the next court battle and all of the hoops that your Dad, and the clan, relentlessly had me doing.
But since this blog is for you and for you to hold onto I will keep it as inclusive as to my feelings to you.
I don’t always know how to carry you in my “Heart” and “Surrender” to this messed up situation some days.
Darian, that is just life sometimes. Caring for yourself as you walk in “Surrender,” to people, places and things that you just CANNOT CONTROL.
I have asked God many times how do I parent you through this blog, and the answer was just to LOVE YOU THROUGH THIS BLOG.
I can tell you one thing, had I been given the same from some of the people I really wanted that from I do believe my attitude of loving and valuing; myself would have been so much more familiar and easier to do. This is why in part, it is so important to me to do this for you.
Stay warm dear son and know that you have always been such a gift to me, from the second I knew I was going to be your Mom!!
I love you Darian, be well.