Grandpa Loved You So Much !

GrandpaGrandpa was more excited than even me, (Almost) to meet you, to hold you, to see that you were real.   I had a late start to Motherhood but the perfect time for you, Darian Charles Rahmat !

This picture was taken on your exact one year birthday, October 18,1998.   We lived in an Eiklier in Terra Linda, Marin, California and my dreams of my family could not have been more complete at that time.

I remember your Grandpa, my dad that raised me, asking me why I gave you his (actually our middle name, Charles) and I remember telling him, because I loved knowing that I came from a linage that included him and his father.

I had been adopted in my early infancy and I remembered, I felt different and longed to feel I really belonged.   I was always uneasy with this and always curious about where my feelings might lead.

I did not want you to ever feel exposed or the same as I did.   So as any great mommy, or actress for that matter, I went along with the show that I choose to marry into.

It was so important to me that I gave and provided an environment for you both on my side as well as your fathers side that we traveled far distances to be with your father’s family and for my family and grandparents to come be with you when ever they could be.

Darian the bottom line is, YOU ARE LOVED BY SO MANY, and in the midst of your father’s persistent alienation, your 92 year old Grandmother and all of our family, loves you, prays for you and misses you and has missed you dearly!

As a continuation of your childhood blueprint I am writing this on my Dad’s behalf.   There is not one Father or Mother worth their “salt” that would have separated their child from his or her Parent because they had the money and resources to do so, thinking it was in their child’s BEST interest, and furthermore no “PARENT”, would hold their child hostage from the other parent, just because they said “They can and would do that.”

Know, sweet son tonight your Grandfather Charles is watching over you and he is asking the Angel’s to guide and protect you to grow into the man that we all know you to already be.

Be well Darian we all love and miss you dearly.   We are proud of you.


Thanks for the Double Rainbow’s

As I was driving to church this Easter morning, I was in the midst of the tail end of a rain storm.   I had been thinking all morning of you precious one, and all of our Easter’s together.    I had filled my holiday this year, with volunteering at church, going to brunch and dinner with friends both old and new.   As I looked out my car window I saw a bit of a fully formed rainbow.   At closer glance I saw a double rainbow from end to end.   I have only seen a total of three of these in my life.

I remembered a story I heard from Joel Osteen a year or so before about double rainbows and it came to my memory at the perfect time.   This holiday has significance both with my belief in the story of Jesus’ resurrection and why he lived and died in the manner he did, as well as the resurrection that I have been experiencing in my own life at this time.

Joel Osteen told a story about a woman that had lost her husband and was going to remarry, but before she ddblrnbwid, she prayed to God to give her a clear sign of his blessing to her that she was doing the right thing in remarrying.   The day that she was to have her wedding, a storm came and went, but it left her with not just one rainbow but TWO.   This sign she felt deeply in her being was not just of God’s blessing on her new marriage, but also her deceased husband giving her the peace to move forward in her life.

I pray and talk to you every day dear son, that God watches over you and that you can and will find this blog written from me to you.   Seeing that double rainbow was for me, getting God’s blessing and yours.   I felt you were telling me you are OK.

I have been reminded lately of the time we all went to see preacher Nick Vujicic,the man that was born with no arms and no legs. What an incredible testimony of courage, trials and belief he has and shares with all who he comes in contact with.   After seeing him there is NO denying God’s power to guide and provide for our lives if we choose to listen to his instruction’s of love.Darian

That evening at the church Nick had us bow our heads for prayer, you were only 9 or 10, and he asked people in the audience that if you wanted to accept Jesus into our heart to stand.   As I opened my eyes to see who was standing in the audience that night, I saw this little brown haired boy, it was you, standing tall and alone in a sea of people.   There comes many times in a Mother’s journey in raising her children, that she too looks for signs that her kid or kids will in fact be okay.

In that moment I knew you would be.   You are BRAVE, sweet Darian.   Remember that memory when you need a reminder that you in deed can do anything in your life.   As we both got the opportunity to give the man with the GIANT FAITH a hug, a man with no arms or legs, remember you took a stand for your life that night, one I will always be thankful for and one of my greatest memories of our time together.

I Miss You and Love You Dearly,