Roots and Wings……

Of all the places in the world I am here and you are there, wherever that might be.   I have come to believe it is truly in our minds.   Possibly a little deep or confusing at this early time in this morning, but I must write to you and share about the PEACE I AM EXPERIENCING.

After too many years of striving and grieving, fighting and hiding, shaming and blaming,
I am in acceptance.

I cannot change the people that have the power to dictate your every move in your life.   I never will.   I have come to believe through an interview that I have seen (over and over), by a man named Gregg Braden, that ALL OF US ARE CELLULARLY A PART OF EACH OTHER.   He is a scientist and visionary and speaks on this topic at length.   I found this interview on one of the most valuable CD’s I own, Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life.”

In the part of his interview called “The Size Of A Little Green Pea,” he explains how if science were to take out all of the space and condense all of the atoms in this vast universe, it would all condense all of us down to the size of a Little Green Pea !

Maybe this mean nothing to you, but what I have come to believe is this, after all of the torment and fighting for my right to see and be with you, I already am with you.   Maybe not in the way I wanted it to be, but I Am in the way that God sees fit for now.   In the way things were it was the equivalent to putting two crazy cats in a little paper bag and pleading with them to stop their fighting.

Darian we are linked, I am your Mom.   That is truth. I will always love you and no one or nothing can ever take that TRUTH away from you or me.   No person, place or thing can ever change that fact.   But what has changed for me is the belief that I have to continue to fight, For you.   We are simply a part of each other, as you are a part of your Dad.    You were conceived in love and raised up in love.

I am told you are doing well in school and with your life, and I truly do hope we can share as much of that in person someday.   But if that does not ever come to pass, that will have to just be OK.   Without question as I have viewed you on your YouTube videos, you are a handsome, smart and empathetic young man, and that brings a smile to not only my face, but in my heart, and a calmness to my soul.
I am so proud of you.     There is only one cat in this bag and for now SHE is at PEACE.
Be well, Live in Peace, wake up early to hear birds begin their singing, they do it every day. And I noticed that if they are not, they are simply waiting for the storm to pass.   And when THE STORMS DO PASS AND THEY ALWAYS DO, there is a PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING.   Then the singing begins again.

No more Courts, or  Lawyers, or fighting for a stance on how to raise you.   THAT IS OVER FOR ME.

There is a benefit to the internet, and that is, when you have the freedom in your life, dear son to seek me out, it will not take much to find me.   Just follow the cyber trail of Charla Miller and either I will be waiting for you with open arms and heart, or others will have the precious memories of your young years to give to you.   Either way or neither way WE ALL CONDENSE INTO THE SIZE OF A LITTLE GREEN PEA!


What You Sweet Darian and The Great John Wooden have in common !

Dear Son,

We are in full swing here in Northern California Sports, sports everywhere.   Not enough TV screens to support all the activity in this sports crazed and illustrious area of some of the best championship teams in the world.   I love it !   We always had some sort of game on in our home and chicken of some kind cooking in the kitchen.   Before dinner on Poli, a good old fashioned game of  hoops with the neighborhood kids and then a snack of yogurt.

I came across this paper as I am continuing the process of excavating my life with you.   I got this from a class that I took at UCLA.  This class was called “A VISIONARY CLASS.”

The Great John Wooden one of the most winning coaches in the sport of college basketball was one of the “visionary’s” that was showcased in this course.   He was a legend and is legendary.   His name is synonymous with respect.

There are very few people that I have met, and I have had the great fortune to have met many famous people, that left such a positive and unusually humble impression on me.  I took this course over 25 years ago and I can recall all of my time listening to him and all of the great ball players that came to our class to pay this man their respect and homage.

As I raised you and watched you over the first  decade or so, there are so many similarities to what John says here and the innate characteristics that you have always possessed.

Read this sweet son and know, that it does not matter what the new “thing is” or the seeming greatest trend in this moment that makes a great MAN.   It is truly the respect that you have for yourself.  I can promise this, respect is not an over inflated prospective of self but a caring and committed and kind view and towards others.5-18-13


Be Great DARIAN because you are, be kind and fair because it is your nature.   Be committed to individuals that may not have known commitment from others.  And with patience you will surly come to know your dreams and goals.

I am proud of you Darian.   I love you, always have always will.



Dear Beautiful Son,

I always feel when I begin to write another post to you how strange it feels, the passing of time, since I have connected with you last month in April’s post.   I am not sure why our little blog of LOVE TO YOU, is growing or even who the viewers are, but I will suspect that beyond the heartache that some people might feel about our situation, I am beginning to FEEL, that “They” are wanting to hear about an actual reunion between us!


In this post, I am dedicating it to all the Mothers in this world.   Just as you, sweet Darian, once so profoundly dedicated this beautiful poem to me, and presented it to me as a gift one year, I would like to share it with others.   It is the first and last piece of art that I see every day that helps to remind me that you so purposefully observed me and us in all of those impressionable young years.   It is truly my most treasured voice I have from your heart.

      Mom Ismom is . . .

                by Darian Rahmat

She is Fantastic and Beautiful

She sees me playing baseball

She wants me to do my Best

She understands when I am sad

She tries to do her best

She hopes I will go to college

She Says I LOVE YOU!

She is fantastic and beautiful.

I thank you for all the joy of first’s that you gave to me as your Mom, all of the times you took my breath away by just simply being you.   I thank you for all the times of your deep and loving and kind observations of me, and all of your times of forgiveness when I failed at being strong.   I could not have asked for a more sensitive and sweet son that allowed me to be apart of such a perfect love.   Yes of course, I would love more than anything to talk to you on Mother’s Day or any day for that matter, but I am coming to believe that though I may not hear words from your mouth, I feel the language you are speaking to me in my heart.   And for this matter I am grateful.

Thank you sweet son, I love you too!