Happy, Happy Birthday and as they sing” Many Many More,” in the birthday song. Of course I know the date isn’t until the 18th, but as far as I am concerned, I celebrate YOU the whole month of October. I woke up early this morning and the ideas were pouring into my mind as to what to say to you this year.
Since your Grandmother passed away in June, I have been going through boxes, jewelry boxes, and finding “True” treasures from her life and my past.
While I was waiting to be adopted, your Grandmother and Grandpa had been given a beautiful little card from a lady that was caring for me. They don’t make these little cards anymore, today, you would call them vintage. Someone had cut two pieces of my hair and taped them on the back of the card. Funny, that hair color looks about the same as it does now. My purpose in telling you this is, all my life I had played around with looking different in my hair color, and so many other things. I was always looking to change and enhance myself and here this card sits, 54 years later, and I Love what God gave me from the beginning!
The card says: “Dear Charla Rae, I want to tell you that you have come to live with a very lovely family who will give you much love and make you lovely. I Congratulate You! Sincerely Yours, Alathena Smith.”
We all have our beginning into this world and I can tell you, your beginning was cared for by me as if “My Life” depended on you coming into this world. Darian simply said, I so desired to Connect and Love in a way I had never known before you, so I believe God breathed his life into you and even in the midst of some birthing difficulties you came into this world and the moment my cheek touched yours, “Well, I have never been the same.” I felt like every cell had new life and breath. My depth of purpose and understanding as to why I am here became so clear and strong and changed immediately. When I held you and looked into your eyes and you into mine, well I became not just your Mom, I got my prayer’s answered. As you can see in this picture when you were born a picture is worth a million words and miles.
I have come to believe that even in the most difficult births and circumstances surrounding all of our most tender beginnings, God is there. I have been told some hurtful things as to my life beginning and I have come to KNOW, it simply is not true. I know God wants me to tell others the same, that they ARE INDEED LOVED AND WITHOUT HIS BREATH THEY WOULDN’T BE HERE, NO MATTER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE IN THEIR NATURAL LIVES. That is a very difficult one to digest and believe some days, so be forgiving and gentle when you meet that person. This also applies to us as well.
Maybe I am writing this in part for me to remember right now, maybe for you. But either way nothing could stop me if we had a safe environment to see each other in.
Darian, there are many times in life that hurt comes from people that are deeply hurt and wounded in themselves, or have a false sense of themselves, and all they can think to do is inflict their pain and ideas on others. God made every one of us (difficult as that is for me to fully grasp and understand), and as I am sifting through the various opportunities of my life right now , the one thing that is clear, all of us wouldn’t be here if we weren’t suppose to be….. Period!
I know It has been a long-haul being threatened and forced to be away from you these past five years and yet I have learned that I am resourceful and persistent.
I celebrate you and remember every detail of your courageous and tender entrance in this life, I even kept a 3-5 minute labor diary the 36 hours before your birth..
In my dream’s this morning I woke up seeing you and holding one of my Grandchildren, and just like in this picture I was looking into the eyes of perfection and loving every moment. It was the greatest time for me of feeling UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
I am here Darian, in Northern California, and when I am not longing but connecting to you, I AM WITH YOU.
I was given a beautiful painting by Dayle when we were on one of our journeys. He said it reminded him of us.
So go blow your candles out and make a wish or many, I will be smiling and loving you from here.
Happy 16th Birthday Dear and Special Son!
Love you, always have always will.