You are Loved and Thought of Always…

Happy Holidays to you, Darian and all the readers of Never Give Up Mom,

A couple months ago we traveled to the Riverside Mission Inn to be a part of the beautiful event of my birth father’s wedding, your grandfather Lee. It was a family affair and since most of your cousins and relatives wanted to know about our meeting /reunion I decided that maybe you’d like to meet some of them.

No matter how long it’s been since you’ve seen a loved one or maybe one you’ve never met, consider this, if you are here, born that is, you have family that know of you and want to meet you in person!

Mother Teresa was quoted saying:  “Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” Mother Teresa

I used to feel this way, I no longer do.

As we open the door of reunion and all that’s possible for our future, contemplate for a moment that there are many that LOVE YOU AND WANT THE OPPORTUNITY TO GET TO KNOW YOU!

Here is the proof of the connection I’m talking about.

I wish all of the readers of NGUM a New Year Filled with Happiness, Health and Love filled Connection.

Mom

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Anything is Possible Darian…

 

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Dear beloved son Darian,

Happy New Year! I hope the start of this year is a good one.  I believe you are in your last year of high school and I remember that my last year of high school was filled with many to do list’s as well as lists filled with the possibility of future endeavors and dreams.

I just came back from a dream of a trip to Montreal, Canada.   For many years now I have dreamed of going to a place called Saint Joseph’s Oratory of Mount Royal.

When we lived in our house in Ventura, we had the gift of being neighbors to Saint Catherine’s – By The Sea.   A convent where the nuns came from all over the world to retire, and eventually pass away.   One day, as we were picking  apricots off our tree in the back yard we met two of the sisters, Gloria and Betty.   They asked if they could have some of the fruit that was literally growing over the fence on their property.  Quiet happily we gave them bags of the delicious apricots.  That tree produced such an abundance of apricots that year that we were able to fed the neighborhood, as well as the sisters in the convent!

From that meeting on, every morning at 5:30 am, Sister Gloria and Sister Betty along with the others, would pray for us in the chapel that we could see from our bedrooms.  I visited Sister Gloria one day and she gave me a book about a man named Brother Andre.   He was a slight man that had lived through many hardships and heartbreaks in his life.  The book she gave me about Brother Andre and Mount Royal became a road map, inspiration and finally a destination for me this past holiday.  Over the past seven years of my separation with you, I have derived some extraordinary messages and experiences from God.   I have derived a kind of strength from reading Brother Andre’s story over and over again.

My visit to Saint Joseph’s Oratory of Mount Royal was a DREAM come true.   I could have never put the circumstances together that got me there this past Christmas.   One day, I’d love to fill you in on the details of this story, and I have a feeling you’ll have that look of knowing in your eyes that tells me that you know how it all happened too.

I lit a candle in Oratory in your honor as I always do when I visit churches.   When I lit the candle, its flame was so strong and bright…reminded me of you.

Love you now and always,

Mom

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For the followers of Never Give Up Mom:   I want to offer words of encouragement as well as ideas that help shift the circumstances in your lives.   In honor of those you love, light a candle and say a prayer of reconciliation with the belief that you don’t have to know how to change your current condition of separation, just that one day you will be in the presence of those you love.

 

My Christmas Gift For You

Santuario De Chimayo

Merry Christmas Dear Son,

A couple of years ago I went to explore, pray and leave a picture of you on the wall at the Santuario De Chimayo. In the raw beauty of the New Mexican landscape is this holy place. There are numerous stories that all share the theme of miracle healing that come from visiting there and from the sacred dirt that lies in a hole in the ground in the cathedral. Santuario De Chimayo drew me into itself like a mother draws you into her arms.

I had heard about the wall of pictures and the power of prayer that came along with the intention of leaving a persons picture there. People come from all over the world, just as I had, to seek healing for their loved ones. In my case it was with my relationship with you. After registering in the chapel store and leaving a prayer request in writing the church took your picture and pinned it to the ever growing wall of people.

el-santuario-de-chimayo

I felt that the journey from San Francisco to the Santuario De Chimayo was a calling.  The fog of grief about our separation with you was starting to lift. I have always felt better if I knew I was doing everything in my power to bring healing to you and our relationship.

The Gift this year is a Practice. By leaving your picture on the “Wall of Prayer”, I also left the results of our separation in Gods Hands, and with that a great deal of pain. Darian, I guess what I’m saying is, our best efforts are good enough. By journeying to the middle of the New Mexico desert and pinning your picture to a prayer wall, the only thing left to do was to was to rest knowing it was enough.

Merry Christmas Beloved Son!

Love you now and ever more,

Mom

To the followers of Never Give Up Mom: Thank you for your years of following my blog and the many encouraging comments you have made. This year I would like to leave you with this thought.  Pin any unresolved problems to the wall of prayer, through this blog and practice the most important act of forgiveness for yourself and see what happens. That could be the most precious gift you can receive. Our sons, daughters and other family members that love us, want us to be free of pain and suffering.  I am wishing for you the magic of a holy holiday season and lightness that comes from relinquishing the burdens of your past.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to you and yours!!

“I can not logically explain what is going on at El Santuario, but our Lord is there, and he listens.”[March 1997] – See more at: http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/2168

An Olympic Size Thanksgiving for You!

Dear loved Son,

This year is decidedly different from all the other Thanksgiving holidays. First of all, the surprises that came my way and continue to do so, have been, well, answered prayers. I have really enjoyed going back into the field of entertainment as a makeup artist and the jobs that have come my way have been phenomenal!

I got called in to do a job last minute for an artist that couldn’t do it and I ended up on a commercial for VISA.   We had 16 Olympic athletes to groom and though all of them were impressive, there was one athlete that raised the bar to it’s highest level.   Her name is Terezinha Guilhermina, and she is a runner that is blind and is a medal winner many times over!   She is Brazilian and is set to run and win in the 2016 games in Brazil.   All of the athletes have been to prior games and some of them as many as 5.

I felt so elated after finding out about the woman I was taking care of on the set that day.   Team VISA commercials will be running non-stop once they’re launched in the beginning of next year, and  I will be cheering for Terezinha to win.   She wants to win gold in all her three events and plans on bettering her times from the London games.

It never surprises me when I meet  remarkable people in the world inspiring us all to do our best and even go beyond, but I will tell you I always have deep gratitude when I am in their presence.   I am wishing you, other children, parents and family members that are not able to be with their loved this year, a magical and memorable Thanksgiving.   Today on my blog of love and connection to you we had visitors from six different countries.   Looks like this way of connecting to you has gone global!

Happy Thanksgiving Darian, with lots of LOVE,

Mom

To Love Something Despite

 

“It had flaws, but what does that matter when it comes to matters of the heart?   We love what we love.   Reason does not enter into it.   In many ways, unwise love is the truest love.   Anyone can love a thing because.   That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket.   But to love something despite.   To know the flaws and love them too.   That is rare and pure and perfect.”       ― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man’s Fear

Merry Christmas Darian!

Dear Beautiful Son Darian,

I just arrived home after an evening of music and worship at one of the amazing new coffee places in my neighborhood.   The family that started it came here originally to open a church but after several starts and stops along the way, this opportunity opened up for them and by all appearances, God in his infinite wisdom, leMy Last Christmas With Youad and prepared an inspiring place of great coffee,food and an encouraging atmosphere.   I have to admit as I go about my life church comes and goes for me, but I’m always aware that I have a deep love for God and I know that God’s love for me is always present if I chose to tune in.

The Father took the stage for the last song of the evening with his son.  They are both incredibly talented as singers, writers and musicians.

As I watched Bill, the father, play with his son on stage their joy of each others company  made me smile and cry.   It made me pray that your dad would someday really enjoy you as I had for so many years.   And in enjoying you that his joy would allow you to be free to live and love as you choose.   There is truly nothing more memorable to me than the years I had with you. Watching you grow and develop your talents, mind, athletic stature and your beautiful spirit.   If I had it my way I would be watching and cherishing every moment right now with you.   But I know our time will come again, to be together, and in that perfect timing, not a moment too soon or late, safety, joy, and happiness will surround us all with the unmistakable hand of God.

This has been a phenomenal year of growth and blessing for me and you.   You may wonder how do I know about your year since its been so many years since we have been allowed to contact each other?   The truth is simple.   What happens to me passes to you and vice-versa.   Either in time or in the present energy moment and sweet son, I know your heart, and with that your love and kindness for me and others.   I thank you for coming to me in dreams and whispers of thought.   All you convey to me is heard, felt and appreciated.

Merry Christmas Sweet Darian and A Safe and Happy 2015 To Come!

With Abundant Love For You Always,

Mom

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL SON DARIAN!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SON DARIAN,

I do remember this day 17 years ago and all the minute details that went with this life changing day, for all of us. I have thought of so many things I wanted to say to you on your very special day today.   I had an idea about a little piece of paper that I still2 years ocean have, that has every contraction I had before you were born. I counted the minutes, seconds, checked in with every doctor, friend and family member,  just to make sure I was ‘doing’ it right.

Funny thing about that thought or mind set, so much of your birth and life has been out of my control.   But this post to you is clearly in my control, and as I write this letter of happiness and celebration to you, I am wishing you a wonderful day, celebrating with your friends and family as I always have.

In the picture below, Michael Muir is talking to one of his horses about being his best for it’s new owners.   I’m able to volunteer a bit of time at Rush Ranch in Susiun, Ca.   Michael’s non-profit is called,  Access Adventure, and they do many events a year to help those with disabilities and people in need of hope and healing.

This is the opening statement from Michael Muir, Director of Access Adventure, and Great grandson of the Americas Visionary Conservationist,  John Muir:

“WE FOCUS ON WHAT IS POSSIBLE,  NOT ON WHAT WE HAVE LOST.
THE WORST DISABILITY IS A BAD ATTITUDE.”

NGUM POST Pics

So my dear and precious son, if I was able to gift you anything in a box or gift card today it would be  this;

Know you have the vision and tenacity to challenge your limits in life.   You are much freer to focus on your potential than it may seem, and in doing so, your intention and deeds hold all great possibilities, for you and others.   Your so loved by me and so many others, just check out my Facebook page today, and you’ll see how many there are wishing you a Happy Birthday!

Have a memorable day my dear son, and know I’m right there in mind and heart celebrating with you!

I love you Darian,

Mom

Tidings of Comfort and Joy

Merry Christmas to My Son!

My Dear and Beloved Son Darian,

Many gifts in life come in the most unusual ways and as such, they are not always recognized at that moment as a gift.    Although I can’t physically be there with you at this time, or you be here with me on this wonderful and beautiful Christmas Day, I am sending you my heartfelt love and compassion.   I am sending you gifts of joy, caring, and tenderness only a mother can share with her son.

The time apart from you continues to prove and show me that my love for you is a never ending love, no matter what!     Don’t let this holiday pass by without you knowing how sincere and deep my love for you is Darian.    There is NEVER a Birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s,  Memorial Day, Veterans Day, Labor Day, President’s Day, …. that I do not think of YOU!    I think of you EVERY day I breathe!    You will always be my ONE & ONLY!   That will never be taken away from US!

My Last Christmas With YouDarian, as I cherish our last Christmas picture together, I want you to celebrate this holiday and know that I am with you in pure spirit, loving you, wishing only the best for you, and that you are a constant on my mind, my heart, and my breath!   My continued Christmas wish is to see your smiling face again!   Always know this!

♥ ♥ ♥ Love now and always, ♥ ♥ ♥
Mom

A Colorful Thanksgiving to All!

Happy Thanksgiving My Dear Son Darian,thanksgiving3

Back by popular demand, is our beloved Holiday where every color is displayed on our dining tables and the excuse to eat BIG AND WELL, is not just expected but anticipated.   Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday by far, for those edible reasons and more.   You were born in late October so this was your first official holiday and you attended it by laying in your little rocker at the head of the table next to your own doctor and my friend, Dr. Ken.   Dr. Ken and Nick could cook a Thanksgiving meal that gave the original meaning to finger licking good and one of the true culinary memories I will always cherish.   Thank you Ken and Nick!

This is also the time of year when friends and family get together to celebrate and give thanks for the lives we do have and those that are in it.  I will certainly be doing that while having you in my heart.   In one of the most influential books I have ever read named “The Shack.”  This is about a man’s journey to understand GOD through the profound tragedy of losing his daughter.   This isn’t a story exclusively of loss.   But an engaging invitation to look for the humor, healing and reunion in all of relationships and life.

In the entrance to chapter fifteen, titled “A Festival of Friends,” is this quote.

You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.”   This was written by Frederick Buechner, Telling the Truth.

That quote stuck in my memory because it embodies all of our longing for another at one point Darians Artin our lives.   I have included in this month’s post one of your most beautiful artworks because of its vibrancy in color, to be a physical example to all that we are born with, the gift of color in all of our personalities and spirit.   I love that in this chapter it reads, “Not only are we able to see the uniqueness of one another in color and light, but we are able to respond through the same medium.   But this response is very difficult to control, and it is usually not intended to be restrained as this one is attempting, (meaning his father).    It is most natural to let its expression just be.”

It is impossible for me not to express my love and desire of connection with you as well as others each and every day.   As God says it is the most natural thing I would naturally do!

So with the bounty of good festivities to come this week I will leave you and all with more color and a catchy song from your Grandpa Lee.

As you fondly used to call him “Grandpa Leaf.” Color in character and spirit runs all through our families, and as I have come to understand, accept the best, and forget if you will the rest.   Let the love greater than you and me heal us all and know I wish you and so many other dear friends a Happy Thanksgiving!

I wanted to add a Huge and GRATEFUL THANK YOU TO CHRISTAL,for making and keeping this line of love and communication to my son and others possible. It has been one year and I couldn’t have done this with out you!

Please take a moment in this to post a comment , it is so important for me to get your input. It keeps me going, inspired and connected to you. Thank you with a grateful heart .

I love you,

Mom

Happy 16th Birthday to My Beautiful Son, Darian !

Beautiful Darian,happy 16

Happy, Happy Birthday and as they sing” Many Many More,” in the birthday song.    Of course I know the date isn’t until the 18th, but as far as I am concerned,  I celebrate YOU the whole month of October.     I woke up early this morning and the ideas were pouring into my mind as to what to say to you this year.

Since your Grandmother passed away in June, I have been going through boxes, jewelry boxes, and finding “True” treasures from her life and my past.

While I was waiting to be adopted, your Grandmother and Grandpa had been given a beautiful little card from a lady that was caring for me.   They don’t make these little cards anymore, today, you would call them vintage.    Someone had cut two pieces of my hair and taped them on the back of the card.    Funny, that hair color looks about the same as it does now.    My purpose in telling you this is, all my life I had played around with looking different  in my hair color, and so many other things.    I was always looking to change and enhance myself and here this card sits, 54 years later, and I Love what God gave me from the beginning!

The card says:   “Dear Charla Rae, I want to tell you that you have come to live with a very lovely family who will give you much love and make you lovely.    I Congratulate You!    Sincerely Yours, Alathena Smith.”

The day my life changed forever.

The day my life changed forever.

We all have our beginning into this world and I can tell you, your beginning was cared for by me as if “My Life” depended on you coming into this world.    Darian simply said, I so desired to Connect and Love in a way I had never known before you, so I believe God breathed his life into you and even in the midst of some birthing difficulties you came into this world and the moment my cheek touched yours, “Well, I have never been the same.”    I felt like every cell had new life and breath.   My depth of purpose and understanding as to why I am here became so clear and strong and changed immediately.    When I held you and looked into your eyes and you into mine, well I became not just your Mom, I got my prayer’s answered.   As you can see in this picture when you were born a picture is worth a million words and miles.

I have come to believe that even in the most difficult births and circumstances surrounding all of our most tender beginnings, God is there.  I have been told some hurtful things as to my life beginning and I have come to KNOW, it simply is not true.   I know God wants me to tell others the same, that they ARE INDEED LOVED AND WITHOUT HIS BREATH THEY WOULDN’T BE HERE, NO MATTER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE IN THEIR NATURAL LIVES.   That is a very difficult one to digest and believe some days, so be forgiving and gentle when you meet that person. This also applies to us as well.

Maybe I am writing this in part for me to remember right now, maybe for you.   But either way nothing could stop me if we had a safe environment to see each other in.

Darian, there are many times in life that hurt comes from people that are deeply hurt and wounded in themselves, or have a false sense of themselves, and all they can think to do is inflict their pain and ideas on others.   God made every one of us (difficult as that is for me to fully grasp and understand), and as I am sifting through the various opportunities of my life right now , the one thing that is clear, all of us wouldn’t be here if we weren’t suppose to be….. Period!

I know It has been a long-haul being threatened and forced to be away from you these past five years and yet I have learned that I am resourceful and persistent.

I celebrate you and remember every detail of your courageous and tender entrance in this life, I even kept a 3-5 minute labor diary the 36 hours before your birth..

In my dream’s this morning I woke up seeing you and holding one of my Grandchildren, and just like in this picture I was looking into the eyes of perfection and loving every moment.     It was the greatest time for me of feeling UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

I am here Darian, in Northern California, and when I am not longing but connecting to you, I AM WITH YOU.

I was given a beautiful painting by Dayle when we were on one of our journeys.   He said it reminded him of us.

A PERFECT LOVE BETWEEN MOTHER AND CHILD.Mother & Child

So go blow your candles out and make a wish or many, I will be smiling and loving you from here.

Happy 16th Birthday Dear and Special Son!

Love you, always have always will.

Mom

MOM IS…..

Dear Beautiful Son,

I always feel when I begin to write another post to you how strange it feels, the passing of time, since I have connected with you last month in April’s post.   I am not sure why our little blog of LOVE TO YOU, is growing or even who the viewers are, but I will suspect that beyond the heartache that some people might feel about our situation, I am beginning to FEEL, that “They” are wanting to hear about an actual reunion between us!

ME TOO….

In this post, I am dedicating it to all the Mothers in this world.   Just as you, sweet Darian, once so profoundly dedicated this beautiful poem to me, and presented it to me as a gift one year, I would like to share it with others.   It is the first and last piece of art that I see every day that helps to remind me that you so purposefully observed me and us in all of those impressionable young years.   It is truly my most treasured voice I have from your heart.

      Mom Ismom is . . .

                by Darian Rahmat

She is Fantastic and Beautiful

She sees me playing baseball

She wants me to do my Best

She understands when I am sad

She tries to do her best

She hopes I will go to college

She Says I LOVE YOU!

She is fantastic and beautiful.

I thank you for all the joy of first’s that you gave to me as your Mom, all of the times you took my breath away by just simply being you.   I thank you for all the times of your deep and loving and kind observations of me, and all of your times of forgiveness when I failed at being strong.   I could not have asked for a more sensitive and sweet son that allowed me to be apart of such a perfect love.   Yes of course, I would love more than anything to talk to you on Mother’s Day or any day for that matter, but I am coming to believe that though I may not hear words from your mouth, I feel the language you are speaking to me in my heart.   And for this matter I am grateful.

Thank you sweet son, I love you too!

Mom

Thanks for the Double Rainbow’s

Easter2
As I was driving to church this Easter morning, I was in the midst of the tail end of a rain storm.   I had been thinking all morning of you precious one, and all of our Easter’s together.    I had filled my holiday this year, with volunteering at church, going to brunch and dinner with friends both old and new.   As I looked out my car window I saw a bit of a fully formed rainbow.   At closer glance I saw a double rainbow from end to end.   I have only seen a total of three of these in my life.

I remembered a story I heard from Joel Osteen a year or so before about double rainbows and it came to my memory at the perfect time.   This holiday has significance both with my belief in the story of Jesus’ resurrection and why he lived and died in the manner he did, as well as the resurrection that I have been experiencing in my own life at this time.

Joel Osteen told a story about a woman that had lost her husband and was going to remarry, but before she ddblrnbwid, she prayed to God to give her a clear sign of his blessing to her that she was doing the right thing in remarrying.   The day that she was to have her wedding, a storm came and went, but it left her with not just one rainbow but TWO.   This sign she felt deeply in her being was not just of God’s blessing on her new marriage, but also her deceased husband giving her the peace to move forward in her life.

I pray and talk to you every day dear son, that God watches over you and that you can and will find this blog written from me to you.   Seeing that double rainbow was for me, getting God’s blessing and yours.   I felt you were telling me you are OK.

I have been reminded lately of the time we all went to see preacher Nick Vujicic,the man that was born with no arms and no legs. What an incredible testimony of courage, trials and belief he has and shares with all who he comes in contact with.   After seeing him there is NO denying God’s power to guide and provide for our lives if we choose to listen to his instruction’s of love.Darian

That evening at the church Nick had us bow our heads for prayer, you were only 9 or 10, and he asked people in the audience that if you wanted to accept Jesus into our heart to stand.   As I opened my eyes to see who was standing in the audience that night, I saw this little brown haired boy, it was you, standing tall and alone in a sea of people.   There comes many times in a Mother’s journey in raising her children, that she too looks for signs that her kid or kids will in fact be okay.

In that moment I knew you would be.   You are BRAVE, sweet Darian.   Remember that memory when you need a reminder that you in deed can do anything in your life.   As we both got the opportunity to give the man with the GIANT FAITH a hug, a man with no arms or legs, remember you took a stand for your life that night, one I will always be thankful for and one of my greatest memories of our time together.

I Miss You and Love You Dearly,

Mom

What would I say to you Darian for this New Year?

I am so sorry that I could not talk to you again this past Christmas, I am sorry your father still won’t get over his bitter grievances that happened so long ago.

Darian, “Finding Your Voice,” even if you are probably not able to voice your thoughts, in your current home, is and will be so important to your well-being, mental and emotional health, and ultimately to your entire life as a young man.

I recently watched “The Kings Speech,” again, and as I have had no voice in the matter of parenting you in the past four years, and loving you, this blog has become my ‘Voice,” to you and others, that are in this situation, with the other parent that believes that alienating and stealing their child, through the mountain of lies, money spent in court cases, more grotesque lies, and eventually driving the other parent away, due thinkingto very real threats, like “I Will Destroy You, no matter how many courts in the Land it takes.”

Find your voice Darian, even if it has a different tone, or in writing, or in any other form you desire, so you can stay well and remember that you were always wanted, cherished and destined to be here, even though they have kept you from me!

Your voice even if its is in your own mind, for now, can help you navigate your way through trouble, and your voice is there to warn you in situations, when you need a “True North” inner compass in life.

I pray, as Sister Gloria, still continues to pray for me and as I am sure for you, that God and his angels, whisper my thoughts to you of encouragement and cheer for this year ahead. Remember I have the same phone number and I am only a handful of hours away, in the event you want to be in touch. My family, your family has started to discover that there is a way for them to send their love, promises for your future, and solidarity as YOUR OTHER FAMILY!!!

We all love you, Darian, Happy 2013 ….. I hope God gives you what you are needing this year and never dismiss, those whispers, even though you may think you are imagining my VOICE, you’re not.

I HAVE A VOICE DARIAN, AND SO DO YOU. I LOVE YOU BEAUTIFUL SON.

Mom

AND TO ALL THAT NEED A MOTHERS ENCOURAGEMENT FOR YOUR YEAR AHEAD,
FIND YOUR VOICE!

You Are Still Number One !!!

Merry Christmas My Beautiful Son Darian,

Do you remember asking me at one of the times we saw each other if you were still number one with me?

I do and I believe it was due to the separation of us in all of those nasty and many times belligerent and untruthful court cases between me and your dad.

I want you to know I called your dad last week to ask what would it take for him to have a change of HEART, and let you and I have a conversation over the phone this Christmas?   We have not been allowed to visit or speak to each other on Christmas for four years now, but I want to assure you that YOU NEVER EVER LEAVE MY MIND OR HEART, especially at this time of the year.

In the work I do now, I see hundreds if not thousands of children with their parents sharing traditions at Christmas time, many coming to see Santa, view the beauty of Christmas in our store, and go buy gifts for their friends and family.

We did that and more.  One year we took a train ride to go and see Santa, decorate our tree, eat lots of good food, (I love to cook big stews in our crock pot, I have one going right now, in honor of us.)

I tried to raise you with all of the comforts and traditions that I was raised with because it was always such a fun time.

You were born in late October and your first Christmas was quite rough, you had colic, so I am afraid the first visit to see Santa was, well, painful.

I write this to you and for you so you know I am still here and have never given up on us seeing you, nor will I ever.

I have met so many adult children and now know so many parents and children that have been kept from having any kind of relationship with each other because one or more parents or family members, are so twisted with their hatred for the other parent or ex-spouse.

I have had, and it is very painful, for me to be able to tell a stranger when they asked a very common question, do I have children or a child, and of course I say yes, I have a son.  That question is always followed by a series of other common questions that anybody would ask, where do we live on so on.  When those people find out in part that I have had no contact with you, because of all of the people that have stopped all of my and Dayle’s efforts to contact you, they usually have a look of shock, horror and great sadness in their eyes.   A disbelief comes over their face and I believe they feel so very bad they asked such a innocent set of questions.

My dear son, you are number one as you are the only one in my heart, as you are my only child.   I will never forget two Christmas’s ago Dayle took me out of the country at Christmas time so I could try and put all of my anguish aside at the hardship of me not being able to contact you.  That was the year that a Man named David Goldman was reunited on Christmas Eve, with his son, Sean Goldman.

Sean’s mother had taken him 5 years earlier to her homeland Brazil, divorced his father and remarried a Brazilian lawyer that kept Sean and his Father, David, apart.   But through a series of continual relentless efforts by David, the American media, and I am sure God’s intervention, David walked with his son onto an airplane that landed in New York and they were able to begin again.

Darian that was my Christmas gift that year, helping me to continue to never give up on me, and never give up on the HOPE, that one day we will be able to start again.

This year I will spend it with young men and women that are not able to be with their families for a number of reasons. They too I am sure will feel great loss, and confusion or great hurt being in their current situations. I share that with them, and I have the hope by what we have in common we will, or at least I will be able to give then some sort of comfort by wanting and freely being able to share some of their day with them.

Know this Sweet Love, your Great Grandmother, Rose Kenniston, waited until her 80th year to meet me for her very first time grandmotherin her life, and it took place on Christmas Eve.   She has told me many times after our first meeting that she NEVER gave up the hope and strong faith that she would indeed meet me and have me, her first grandchild, in her life in some manner before she died, AND SHE DID.

I have her determination dear son. I have your Great Grandmother Roses picture looking over a picture of you in my place always reminding me that you and I are being looked after from above.

MERRY CHRISTMAS DARIAN, YOUR MOM LOVES YOU, ALWAYS HAS ALWAYS WILL!