Time to change the subtitle of Never Give Up Mom, Yay!

Dear loved Son and followers of Never Give Up Mom,

There always comes the time when the title of the story has to change. In this case the blog.   Years ago when I heard your voice (my sons voice) tell my spirit to never give up I not only paid attention but your whispers helped me to change the direction I was headed.

It’s been five years and many post’s later and now it’s time to change the subtitle of this blog to:   A mothers message to the infinite possibilities of reuniting to our missing children and those we love!

The countless prayers that have accompanied my blog post and the hours that Cristal and many other friends gave this project is priceless.   I thank you all, especially Cristal, for your love and tenacity in making my reunion with my son a reality today!

So with the new spirit in subtitle a new direction for NGUM is born.   Stay tuned for my upcoming launch of my book:  “Wonder and Beauty: My journey from Heartbreak to Healing through the Wonder of Horses.”

If you’re interested in receiving information of my launch please leave me your email on this site and I’ll add it to the launch.

Thank you all for following me and God bless you and yours,

Charla….. a never give up Mom

 

 

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Follow Your Bliss,Darian…

 

Dear Loved Son,

I am hoping you have had a wonderful start to your last year in High School!

I sense you are working hard and doing your best to get ready to step into the world as a young man. These last few precious months that are left in your primary school years are exciting times. I remember mine clearly and how anxious I was to get started on all of my dreams. There are many incredible teachers I’ve had along the way and many insightful authors,speakers and courses I still continue to engage with. I believe learning is a life long practice and I hope you feel the same too. Some of my favorites are, Maya Angelou, John F. Kennedy, Ralph Waldo Emerson and Abraham Lincoln and Dr.Wayne Dyer. There are dozens of great thought leaders I have learned from and many have been some of my best friends. So what can I give you this month to ponder? Well this man, his work and philosophies are among the most impactful and thought provoking I have come across. Maybe you have studied him? After the careers, jobs and work tracks I have had the privilege to engage in I believe the following quote from Joseph Campbell is one of the best bits of knowledge I can share with you.

“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”

Joseph Campbell

I love you dear son and believe in you whole-heartedly

2 years oceanLearn, Live and Experience your Life, and above all…Follow your Bliss!

Love you Darian, always will!

Mom

 

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL SON DARIAN!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SON DARIAN,

I do remember this day 17 years ago and all the minute details that went with this life changing day, for all of us. I have thought of so many things I wanted to say to you on your very special day today.   I had an idea about a little piece of paper that I still2 years ocean have, that has every contraction I had before you were born. I counted the minutes, seconds, checked in with every doctor, friend and family member,  just to make sure I was ‘doing’ it right.

Funny thing about that thought or mind set, so much of your birth and life has been out of my control.   But this post to you is clearly in my control, and as I write this letter of happiness and celebration to you, I am wishing you a wonderful day, celebrating with your friends and family as I always have.

In the picture below, Michael Muir is talking to one of his horses about being his best for it’s new owners.   I’m able to volunteer a bit of time at Rush Ranch in Susiun, Ca.   Michael’s non-profit is called,  Access Adventure, and they do many events a year to help those with disabilities and people in need of hope and healing.

This is the opening statement from Michael Muir, Director of Access Adventure, and Great grandson of the Americas Visionary Conservationist,  John Muir:

“WE FOCUS ON WHAT IS POSSIBLE,  NOT ON WHAT WE HAVE LOST.
THE WORST DISABILITY IS A BAD ATTITUDE.”

NGUM POST Pics

So my dear and precious son, if I was able to gift you anything in a box or gift card today it would be  this;

Know you have the vision and tenacity to challenge your limits in life.   You are much freer to focus on your potential than it may seem, and in doing so, your intention and deeds hold all great possibilities, for you and others.   Your so loved by me and so many others, just check out my Facebook page today, and you’ll see how many there are wishing you a Happy Birthday!

Have a memorable day my dear son, and know I’m right there in mind and heart celebrating with you!

I love you Darian,

Mom

Out of Sight, Never out of Mind

Dear Beautiful Son Darian,

I have been remiss in getting a writing to you and I will say I am sorry for that.Though you and I have not seen each other in many years now and you may be out of my physical sight you are NEVER out of my mind and NEVER out of my heart with thoughts of love and care for you. Each and every day I wake up you are with me. I know this is your Junior year and I am hoping you are finding subjects to be passionate about and new adventures to engage in.
I spoke to a friend recently and told him of my “writers block” having to do with my blog to you, and he said Charla, it does not have to be a writing from the sermon on the mount, just tell him how you are and that of course you love him!
So with that advice I will say this to you. I am well Darian and my day’s are filled with meaningful work and new relationships. I see in a way that faith can only allow us to see. There is good in most of my ventures and peace throughout most of my days. Most of the time I’m able to see by faith and not exclusively by sight. There is never a moment though, weather I am aware of it or not that I don’t miss you and silently pray for your protection and every bit of happiness for you.

That prayer is and always will be unending.
I am proud of you in everything that I  know you are, and hold dear for you everything you wish to be. I know every bit of your spirit and I trust that God’s navigation of your life with the choices that you are making will be for good.
I wish I could be there with you to see your victories and failures and everything in between. But until the time we are able to meet again and I can hold you near know and trust you are never further than a thought away from me.

With all the precious love I have for you now and forever,

Mom

Happy 16th Birthday to My Beautiful Son, Darian !

Beautiful Darian,happy 16

Happy, Happy Birthday and as they sing” Many Many More,” in the birthday song.    Of course I know the date isn’t until the 18th, but as far as I am concerned,  I celebrate YOU the whole month of October.     I woke up early this morning and the ideas were pouring into my mind as to what to say to you this year.

Since your Grandmother passed away in June, I have been going through boxes, jewelry boxes, and finding “True” treasures from her life and my past.

While I was waiting to be adopted, your Grandmother and Grandpa had been given a beautiful little card from a lady that was caring for me.   They don’t make these little cards anymore, today, you would call them vintage.    Someone had cut two pieces of my hair and taped them on the back of the card.    Funny, that hair color looks about the same as it does now.    My purpose in telling you this is, all my life I had played around with looking different  in my hair color, and so many other things.    I was always looking to change and enhance myself and here this card sits, 54 years later, and I Love what God gave me from the beginning!

The card says:   “Dear Charla Rae, I want to tell you that you have come to live with a very lovely family who will give you much love and make you lovely.    I Congratulate You!    Sincerely Yours, Alathena Smith.”

The day my life changed forever.

The day my life changed forever.

We all have our beginning into this world and I can tell you, your beginning was cared for by me as if “My Life” depended on you coming into this world.    Darian simply said, I so desired to Connect and Love in a way I had never known before you, so I believe God breathed his life into you and even in the midst of some birthing difficulties you came into this world and the moment my cheek touched yours, “Well, I have never been the same.”    I felt like every cell had new life and breath.   My depth of purpose and understanding as to why I am here became so clear and strong and changed immediately.    When I held you and looked into your eyes and you into mine, well I became not just your Mom, I got my prayer’s answered.   As you can see in this picture when you were born a picture is worth a million words and miles.

I have come to believe that even in the most difficult births and circumstances surrounding all of our most tender beginnings, God is there.  I have been told some hurtful things as to my life beginning and I have come to KNOW, it simply is not true.   I know God wants me to tell others the same, that they ARE INDEED LOVED AND WITHOUT HIS BREATH THEY WOULDN’T BE HERE, NO MATTER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE IN THEIR NATURAL LIVES.   That is a very difficult one to digest and believe some days, so be forgiving and gentle when you meet that person. This also applies to us as well.

Maybe I am writing this in part for me to remember right now, maybe for you.   But either way nothing could stop me if we had a safe environment to see each other in.

Darian, there are many times in life that hurt comes from people that are deeply hurt and wounded in themselves, or have a false sense of themselves, and all they can think to do is inflict their pain and ideas on others.   God made every one of us (difficult as that is for me to fully grasp and understand), and as I am sifting through the various opportunities of my life right now , the one thing that is clear, all of us wouldn’t be here if we weren’t suppose to be….. Period!

I know It has been a long-haul being threatened and forced to be away from you these past five years and yet I have learned that I am resourceful and persistent.

I celebrate you and remember every detail of your courageous and tender entrance in this life, I even kept a 3-5 minute labor diary the 36 hours before your birth..

In my dream’s this morning I woke up seeing you and holding one of my Grandchildren, and just like in this picture I was looking into the eyes of perfection and loving every moment.     It was the greatest time for me of feeling UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

I am here Darian, in Northern California, and when I am not longing but connecting to you, I AM WITH YOU.

I was given a beautiful painting by Dayle when we were on one of our journeys.   He said it reminded him of us.

A PERFECT LOVE BETWEEN MOTHER AND CHILD.Mother & Child

So go blow your candles out and make a wish or many, I will be smiling and loving you from here.

Happy 16th Birthday Dear and Special Son!

Love you, always have always will.

Mom

Roots and Wings……

Of all the places in the world I am here and you are there, wherever that might be.   I have come to believe it is truly in our minds.   Possibly a little deep or confusing at this early time in this morning, but I must write to you and share about the PEACE I AM EXPERIENCING.

After too many years of striving and grieving, fighting and hiding, shaming and blaming,
I am in acceptance.

I cannot change the people that have the power to dictate your every move in your life.   I never will.   I have come to believe through an interview that I have seen (over and over), by a man named Gregg Braden, that ALL OF US ARE CELLULARLY A PART OF EACH OTHER.   He is a scientist and visionary and speaks on this topic at length.   I found this interview on one of the most valuable CD’s I own, Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life.”

In the part of his interview called “The Size Of A Little Green Pea,” he explains how if science were to take out all of the space and condense all of the atoms in this vast universe, it would all condense all of us down to the size of a Little Green Pea !

Maybe this mean nothing to you, but what I have come to believe is this, after all of the torment and fighting for my right to see and be with you, I already am with you.   Maybe not in the way I wanted it to be, but I Am in the way that God sees fit for now.   In the way things were it was the equivalent to putting two crazy cats in a little paper bag and pleading with them to stop their fighting.

Darian we are linked, I am your Mom.   That is truth. I will always love you and no one or nothing can ever take that TRUTH away from you or me.   No person, place or thing can ever change that fact.   But what has changed for me is the belief that I have to continue to fight, For you.   We are simply a part of each other, as you are a part of your Dad.    You were conceived in love and raised up in love.

I am told you are doing well in school and with your life, and I truly do hope we can share as much of that in person someday.   But if that does not ever come to pass, that will have to just be OK.   Without question as I have viewed you on your YouTube videos, you are a handsome, smart and empathetic young man, and that brings a smile to not only my face, but in my heart, and a calmness to my soul.
I am so proud of you.     There is only one cat in this bag and for now SHE is at PEACE.
carter
Be well, Live in Peace, wake up early to hear birds begin their singing, they do it every day. And I noticed that if they are not, they are simply waiting for the storm to pass.   And when THE STORMS DO PASS AND THEY ALWAYS DO, there is a PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING.   Then the singing begins again.

No more Courts, or  Lawyers, or fighting for a stance on how to raise you.   THAT IS OVER FOR ME.

There is a benefit to the internet, and that is, when you have the freedom in your life, dear son to seek me out, it will not take much to find me.   Just follow the cyber trail of Charla Miller and either I will be waiting for you with open arms and heart, or others will have the precious memories of your young years to give to you.   Either way or neither way WE ALL CONDENSE INTO THE SIZE OF A LITTLE GREEN PEA!

I LOVE YOU DARIAN, ALWAYS HAVE ALWAYS WILL !
MOM

What You Sweet Darian and The Great John Wooden have in common !

Dear Son,

We are in full swing here in Northern California Sports, sports everywhere.   Not enough TV screens to support all the activity in this sports crazed and illustrious area of some of the best championship teams in the world.   I love it !   We always had some sort of game on in our home and chicken of some kind cooking in the kitchen.   Before dinner on Poli, a good old fashioned game of  hoops with the neighborhood kids and then a snack of yogurt.

I came across this paper as I am continuing the process of excavating my life with you.   I got this from a class that I took at UCLA.  This class was called “A VISIONARY CLASS.”

The Great John Wooden one of the most winning coaches in the sport of college basketball was one of the “visionary’s” that was showcased in this course.   He was a legend and is legendary.   His name is synonymous with respect.

There are very few people that I have met, and I have had the great fortune to have met many famous people, that left such a positive and unusually humble impression on me.  I took this course over 25 years ago and I can recall all of my time listening to him and all of the great ball players that came to our class to pay this man their respect and homage.

As I raised you and watched you over the first  decade or so, there are so many similarities to what John says here and the innate characteristics that you have always possessed.

Read this sweet son and know, that it does not matter what the new “thing is” or the seeming greatest trend in this moment that makes a great MAN.   It is truly the respect that you have for yourself.  I can promise this, respect is not an over inflated prospective of self but a caring and committed and kind view and towards others.5-18-13

THIS IS WHAT YOU AND JOHN WOODEN
HAVE FIRMLY IN COMMON.

Be Great DARIAN because you are, be kind and fair because it is your nature.   Be committed to individuals that may not have known commitment from others.  And with patience you will surly come to know your dreams and goals.

I am proud of you Darian.   I love you, always have always will.

Mom

Grandpa Loved You So Much !

GrandpaGrandpa was more excited than even me, (Almost) to meet you, to hold you, to see that you were real.   I had a late start to Motherhood but the perfect time for you, Darian Charles Rahmat !

This picture was taken on your exact one year birthday, October 18,1998.   We lived in an Eiklier in Terra Linda, Marin, California and my dreams of my family could not have been more complete at that time.

I remember your Grandpa, my dad that raised me, asking me why I gave you his (actually our middle name, Charles) and I remember telling him, because I loved knowing that I came from a linage that included him and his father.

I had been adopted in my early infancy and I remembered, I felt different and longed to feel I really belonged.   I was always uneasy with this and always curious about where my feelings might lead.

I did not want you to ever feel exposed or the same as I did.   So as any great mommy, or actress for that matter, I went along with the show that I choose to marry into.

It was so important to me that I gave and provided an environment for you both on my side as well as your fathers side that we traveled far distances to be with your father’s family and for my family and grandparents to come be with you when ever they could be.

Darian the bottom line is, YOU ARE LOVED BY SO MANY, and in the midst of your father’s persistent alienation, your 92 year old Grandmother and all of our family, loves you, prays for you and misses you and has missed you dearly!

As a continuation of your childhood blueprint I am writing this on my Dad’s behalf.   There is not one Father or Mother worth their “salt” that would have separated their child from his or her Parent because they had the money and resources to do so, thinking it was in their child’s BEST interest, and furthermore no “PARENT”, would hold their child hostage from the other parent, just because they said “They can and would do that.”

Know, sweet son tonight your Grandfather Charles is watching over you and he is asking the Angel’s to guide and protect you to grow into the man that we all know you to already be.

Be well Darian we all love and miss you dearly.   We are proud of you.

Mom