My Christmas Gift For You

Santuario De Chimayo

Merry Christmas Dear Son,

A couple of years ago I went to explore, pray and leave a picture of you on the wall at the Santuario De Chimayo. In the raw beauty of the New Mexican landscape is this holy place. There are numerous stories that all share the theme of miracle healing that come from visiting there and from the sacred dirt that lies in a hole in the ground in the cathedral. Santuario De Chimayo drew me into itself like a mother draws you into her arms.

I had heard about the wall of pictures and the power of prayer that came along with the intention of leaving a persons picture there. People come from all over the world, just as I had, to seek healing for their loved ones. In my case it was with my relationship with you. After registering in the chapel store and leaving a prayer request in writing the church took your picture and pinned it to the ever growing wall of people.

el-santuario-de-chimayo

I felt that the journey from San Francisco to the Santuario De Chimayo was a calling.  The fog of grief about our separation with you was starting to lift. I have always felt better if I knew I was doing everything in my power to bring healing to you and our relationship.

The Gift this year is a Practice. By leaving your picture on the “Wall of Prayer”, I also left the results of our separation in Gods Hands, and with that a great deal of pain. Darian, I guess what I’m saying is, our best efforts are good enough. By journeying to the middle of the New Mexico desert and pinning your picture to a prayer wall, the only thing left to do was to was to rest knowing it was enough.

Merry Christmas Beloved Son!

Love you now and ever more,

Mom

To the followers of Never Give Up Mom: Thank you for your years of following my blog and the many encouraging comments you have made. This year I would like to leave you with this thought.  Pin any unresolved problems to the wall of prayer, through this blog and practice the most important act of forgiveness for yourself and see what happens. That could be the most precious gift you can receive. Our sons, daughters and other family members that love us, want us to be free of pain and suffering.  I am wishing for you the magic of a holy holiday season and lightness that comes from relinquishing the burdens of your past.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to you and yours!!

“I can not logically explain what is going on at El Santuario, but our Lord is there, and he listens.”[March 1997] – See more at: http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/2168

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To Love Something Despite

 

“It had flaws, but what does that matter when it comes to matters of the heart?   We love what we love.   Reason does not enter into it.   In many ways, unwise love is the truest love.   Anyone can love a thing because.   That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket.   But to love something despite.   To know the flaws and love them too.   That is rare and pure and perfect.”       ― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man’s Fear

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL SON DARIAN!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SON DARIAN,

I do remember this day 17 years ago and all the minute details that went with this life changing day, for all of us. I have thought of so many things I wanted to say to you on your very special day today.   I had an idea about a little piece of paper that I still2 years ocean have, that has every contraction I had before you were born. I counted the minutes, seconds, checked in with every doctor, friend and family member,  just to make sure I was ‘doing’ it right.

Funny thing about that thought or mind set, so much of your birth and life has been out of my control.   But this post to you is clearly in my control, and as I write this letter of happiness and celebration to you, I am wishing you a wonderful day, celebrating with your friends and family as I always have.

In the picture below, Michael Muir is talking to one of his horses about being his best for it’s new owners.   I’m able to volunteer a bit of time at Rush Ranch in Susiun, Ca.   Michael’s non-profit is called,  Access Adventure, and they do many events a year to help those with disabilities and people in need of hope and healing.

This is the opening statement from Michael Muir, Director of Access Adventure, and Great grandson of the Americas Visionary Conservationist,  John Muir:

“WE FOCUS ON WHAT IS POSSIBLE,  NOT ON WHAT WE HAVE LOST.
THE WORST DISABILITY IS A BAD ATTITUDE.”

NGUM POST Pics

So my dear and precious son, if I was able to gift you anything in a box or gift card today it would be  this;

Know you have the vision and tenacity to challenge your limits in life.   You are much freer to focus on your potential than it may seem, and in doing so, your intention and deeds hold all great possibilities, for you and others.   Your so loved by me and so many others, just check out my Facebook page today, and you’ll see how many there are wishing you a Happy Birthday!

Have a memorable day my dear son, and know I’m right there in mind and heart celebrating with you!

I love you Darian,

Mom

Out of Sight, Never out of Mind

Dear Beautiful Son Darian,

I have been remiss in getting a writing to you and I will say I am sorry for that.Though you and I have not seen each other in many years now and you may be out of my physical sight you are NEVER out of my mind and NEVER out of my heart with thoughts of love and care for you. Each and every day I wake up you are with me. I know this is your Junior year and I am hoping you are finding subjects to be passionate about and new adventures to engage in.
I spoke to a friend recently and told him of my “writers block” having to do with my blog to you, and he said Charla, it does not have to be a writing from the sermon on the mount, just tell him how you are and that of course you love him!
So with that advice I will say this to you. I am well Darian and my day’s are filled with meaningful work and new relationships. I see in a way that faith can only allow us to see. There is good in most of my ventures and peace throughout most of my days. Most of the time I’m able to see by faith and not exclusively by sight. There is never a moment though, weather I am aware of it or not that I don’t miss you and silently pray for your protection and every bit of happiness for you.

That prayer is and always will be unending.
I am proud of you in everything that I  know you are, and hold dear for you everything you wish to be. I know every bit of your spirit and I trust that God’s navigation of your life with the choices that you are making will be for good.
I wish I could be there with you to see your victories and failures and everything in between. But until the time we are able to meet again and I can hold you near know and trust you are never further than a thought away from me.

With all the precious love I have for you now and forever,

Mom

Forgivness and my meeting with Imaculee Ilibagiza

Dear Beautiful Son Darian,

It has been nearly 3 years since I have seen you, and about that amount of time since I have heard your sweet voice, or had any tangible contact with you until now.Immaculee ILibagiza

You may not know this woman I am standing with, and in the event you do not, let me introduce her to you and the rest of the world.   Her name is Imaculee Ilibagiza, and she is one of the few Women from the Tutsi Tribe of Rwanda, Africa, to have survived the slaughter of all of her tribe, her friends, and all of her family.

In her book called “Left to Tell,” which I read when we were living back in Ventura, I was riveted by her story, her undeniable faith, her will to survive, and now after listening and seeing her at a Hay House event in Austin, Texas, last week, her ability to understand and “Practice Forgiveness.”    You might also want to see the YouTube videos on her experiences.

Darian, her story of this unfathomable event and the 90 days during which she and a handful of other women were hidden in a very small bathroom in order for her life and the lives of others to be spared had me magnetized many years ago.   I never thought  in my lifetime I would have the chance to meet her, and much less tell her our story of the controlled separation that we have both experienced.

Darian what Immaculee ILibagizais amazing is her compassion for her family’s murderer’s and her ability to forgive them is unfounded.   She emulates Jesus’ central message which I believe is to forgive those who trespass against us, and I will freely admit this has been the greatest test for me.  Her compassion for our story was evident and her call for me to continue to believe in God was paramount.

So dear son, my message to you today in this post is this:    When you need someone to mentor to you, make sure you look for a “Champion,” and if that Champion does not have the courage to place forgiveness at the top of their necessary protocols for dealing with the difficult to impossible people in their lives, look for another person that is a true Giant and Champion among us all.   For a true man or woman that possess these rare strengths will help you to grow into a man that has the right mix of love, kindness, insights, fearlessness, and a boldness that means no harm to themselves or others.

Darian let your brilliance and compassion for yourself and others shine!    I know you do and believe you will!

With Unending Love For You,
Mom

This is your room…

My dear Son Darian,

I hope this letter of love and caring finds you well.    I know this is the next post on a blog, a way, to communicate my enduring and unending love and support for you.   As you are getting ready to finish your junior year in high school, I hope it has been a wonderful, stimulating and invigorating time for you.

In the past week, I have felt your presence and thoughts.   Some people may think and even believe that you can’t be with those we love unless they are standing in our orb.   I think quiet opposite of that.

I asked in prayer on Mother’s Day to have some sort of communication with you, as any and ALL Mothers would. Within a few minutes I sensed a change within me, and observed your presence and without a moment’s delay, thoughts that were not mine began to fill my heart and then my mind.

I thank you for your communication in any form it comes to me and as I continue to rely on my faith in the unseen, I can focus my attention on you and believe you receive my love, and care in everything you are doing.5-14

For me some of the most important and comforting memories were those times when your Grandpa would say to me, “Just come home and stay for awhile, you have your room here.”   That gave me a sense of belonging that was so important and vital.    It gave me the energy to continue on my path as a world class makeup artist and it gave me the mental support that I needed even though I never took Grandpa up on his offer until his last few months of his life.    My spirit always remembered that I had a place to rest and renew and remake my life in any way I needed. And with that knowledge, I went on to achieve many of my dreams and goals as a young makeup artist in the film business.

As I prepare a home for me, it comes with a room for you ……. ALWAYS!

Sometimes even if it is only in our minds, it makes all the difference to know there is ALWAYS A ROOM, to come home to if you need rest, recreation, restoration and renewal.

Be well my darling and precious son and know I am proud of you and all of your efforts in this past school year.

With love and pride for you always,

Mom