To Love Something Despite


“It had flaws, but what does that matter when it comes to matters of the heart?   We love what we love.   Reason does not enter into it.   In many ways, unwise love is the truest love.   Anyone can love a thing because.   That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket.   But to love something despite.   To know the flaws and love them too.   That is rare and pure and perfect.”       ― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man’s Fear



I do remember this day 17 years ago and all the minute details that went with this life changing day, for all of us. I have thought of so many things I wanted to say to you on your very special day today.   I had an idea about a little piece of paper that I still2 years ocean have, that has every contraction I had before you were born. I counted the minutes, seconds, checked in with every doctor, friend and family member,  just to make sure I was ‘doing’ it right.

Funny thing about that thought or mind set, so much of your birth and life has been out of my control.   But this post to you is clearly in my control, and as I write this letter of happiness and celebration to you, I am wishing you a wonderful day, celebrating with your friends and family as I always have.

In the picture below, Michael Muir is talking to one of his horses about being his best for it’s new owners.   I’m able to volunteer a bit of time at Rush Ranch in Susiun, Ca.   Michael’s non-profit is called,  Access Adventure, and they do many events a year to help those with disabilities and people in need of hope and healing.

This is the opening statement from Michael Muir, Director of Access Adventure, and Great grandson of the Americas Visionary Conservationist,  John Muir:



So my dear and precious son, if I was able to gift you anything in a box or gift card today it would be  this;

Know you have the vision and tenacity to challenge your limits in life.   You are much freer to focus on your potential than it may seem, and in doing so, your intention and deeds hold all great possibilities, for you and others.   Your so loved by me and so many others, just check out my Facebook page today, and you’ll see how many there are wishing you a Happy Birthday!

Have a memorable day my dear son, and know I’m right there in mind and heart celebrating with you!

I love you Darian,


Out of Sight, Never out of Mind

Dear Beautiful Son Darian,

I have been remiss in getting a writing to you and I will say I am sorry for that.Though you and I have not seen each other in many years now and you may be out of my physical sight you are NEVER out of my mind and NEVER out of my heart with thoughts of love and care for you. Each and every day I wake up you are with me. I know this is your Junior year and I am hoping you are finding subjects to be passionate about and new adventures to engage in.
I spoke to a friend recently and told him of my “writers block” having to do with my blog to you, and he said Charla, it does not have to be a writing from the sermon on the mount, just tell him how you are and that of course you love him!
So with that advice I will say this to you. I am well Darian and my day’s are filled with meaningful work and new relationships. I see in a way that faith can only allow us to see. There is good in most of my ventures and peace throughout most of my days. Most of the time I’m able to see by faith and not exclusively by sight. There is never a moment though, weather I am aware of it or not that I don’t miss you and silently pray for your protection and every bit of happiness for you.

That prayer is and always will be unending.
I am proud of you in everything that I  know you are, and hold dear for you everything you wish to be. I know every bit of your spirit and I trust that God’s navigation of your life with the choices that you are making will be for good.
I wish I could be there with you to see your victories and failures and everything in between. But until the time we are able to meet again and I can hold you near know and trust you are never further than a thought away from me.

With all the precious love I have for you now and forever,


Finding Healing with Horses…..

Beautiful Son Darian

It has been a busy and productive beginning of this new year and I am hoping this months post finds you well and blessed. It often seems I begin writing to you with a great deal of heavy emotion and in-trepidation. One day I hope to just hop on to my blog and write real and uplifting messages from the beginning, but I am still evolving just like all of us.

I wanted to show you the pictures of some of the horses that I have been around and working with.   Their names are Preacher and Tango.   I met them while I was in Santa Fe, and this work that I am doing with them began near your birthplace of San Francisco.   I found out some time ago that human communication was not all there was to healing my spirit and heart.   But after viewing the movie “Buck” many times, I found something incredibly unique in Buck Buchanan’s story and his healing around horses.   That started my quest to find someone that could help me. As God says and most of the time I believe, “SEEK, KNOCK, FIND,” & I did.

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I found a beautiful spirit and equine therapist in the Northern California area and began a whole new journey into trusting that I could recreate me and my life and begin to trust that life was in fact good.   There is not a person that has suffered a great loss that walks away unaffected and deeply changed.    And in this, lies the lessons that can become a catalyst to a whole new way of being in ourselves and the way we view the world.

Darian, whatever the losses and changes in your life, healing is much more than what things look like on the outside. The most profound changes happen many times in small incremental moments often undetected by the person that is making them.   These animals, the horses as I was told could crush me, they are so large, but what I found was that they are like “puppies” in a way, inquisitive, friendly, gracious and very communicative.   Their intuition is striking and I felt their communication was very much no nonsense.    Which is where I believe the term “Horse sense” came from.

There are many times I sense your presence and the dreams I have about you and your life are very vivid in nature. I have seen your YouTube videos about the “Chocolates” and the gorgeous pictures of you and a girlfriend on your way to an event.   She was almost as handsome/beautiful as you are.

And I love you, miss you,
and care about every detail of you and your 16 year old life!

I would never choose to not be there in communication with you, this has not been my choice.   But until it is strictly your choice, I will do my best to stay in faith, Trust God, keep on moving in healthy and productive ways that serve you and others, and hang out with the horses and learn their ways of grace and kindness and a form of communication that words just simply cannot convey.

I love you beautiful one, always have, always will.

Love you Mom!!